Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
