do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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