pedialite and red bull = repair kit
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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