I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
