I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
