There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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