So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
