Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
