Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
