Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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