we made out on top of his cat.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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