so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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