P.S. I can't hear my feet
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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