I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
