the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Randomize
