Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
