I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize