I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
