I faked an abortion last night.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
NoShamevember. You game?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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