Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
