im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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