I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
