That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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