You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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