the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
