Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
