He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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