I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
