We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
