just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
