Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
