I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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