how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
