Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
