Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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