My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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