I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
