he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
