Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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