Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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