Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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