you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
