She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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