piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
