i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
