Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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