remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize