So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Damn victory sex feels great
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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