Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize