All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i think i have two assholes
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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