i need an iv and a liver transplant
P.S. I can't hear my feet
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
