The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Randomize