To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
