and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
