So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
