so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
this just has baby written all over it
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
