My sheets look like a crime scene.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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