stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
