Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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