Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Randomize
