Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize