So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
