My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
