So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
