Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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