then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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