so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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