if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
