im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
