Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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