K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Your penis caused this!
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