Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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