Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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