I think I died a long time ago.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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