the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
