my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
