I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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