I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
