Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
