My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
