can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
