Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I love you. Go after that dick
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
