Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
