...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
