In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Randomize
