I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I think people are normalizing furries
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
