can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
