Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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