You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
