Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
