My hand turned me down
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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