would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize