you have to choose: penises or morals?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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