god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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