You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
she looked like the before picture.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
