I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize