I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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