My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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