Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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