just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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