I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
