thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
