Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
