note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
i now understand why vodka
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
