wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
