ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
MIDGETS
????
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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