i would punch a child for taco bell
birth control should be required to get into college
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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