in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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