that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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