i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
