I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
