dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
