just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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