yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
